As residents of Longmont look ahead to 2026, local commentator Kris Harris has shared a series of humorous predictions that reflect a blend of community sentiment and absurdity. These predictions, which draw on Harris’s unique interpretative methods, including a satirical scoring system, offer a lighthearted yet pointed commentary on various local issues.
Community Protests and Environmental Concerns
One of the more amusing predictions is the anticipated “No Vikings” protest at the Boulder County Courthouse. Protesters, equipped with cleverly crafted signs, mistakenly convey messages related to Norse mythology rather than their intended “No Kings” theme. Some signs read, “Thor Had a Tiny Hammer” and “Greta Thunberg Disowns Her Heritage,” showcasing a blend of humor and social commentary.
In another prediction, an enormous piece of the Flatirons is expected to break off, resembling a figure akin to former Vice President Al Gore. This geological event could generate a shrine at Chatauqua Park, drawing visitors who might leave eco-friendly offerings such as biodegradable candles and Kombucha cartons.
City Council Measures and Transportation Changes
Harris anticipates significant changes from the Longmont City Council, including a proclamation that redefines common terms used in city meetings. For example, traditional titles such as “Father” and “Mother” will be replaced with “Genetic Contributing Units and Overseers.” This whimsical rebranding aims to spark discussion about language and identity in public discourse.
In the realm of public transportation, the Regional Transportation District (RTD) is expected to face scrutiny over its low ridership numbers. Harris predicts that despite spending $500,000 on a study to boost ridership, RTD may opt for unconventional marketing strategies, like utilizing mannequins adorned with the faces of famous personalities to attract attention.
Furthermore, the city’s composting strategy could shift as plans for a facility at the Distel-Tull Open Space have been scrapped. Instead, city officials are considering the Sugar Factory site, with a spokesperson describing it as having “passed the smell test.” This decision reflects ongoing debates about waste management in the area.
While these predictions are infused with humor and satire, they also highlight underlying community concerns. Harris, a local resident since 1960, emphasizes that even lighthearted commentary can provoke thought about serious issues facing Longmont.
As Longmont prepares for the future, Harris’s playful predictions serve as a reminder of the importance of community engagement, humor, and reflection on the changing landscape of local governance. Residents may find themselves both entertained and challenged by these forecasts as they navigate the complexities of their evolving city.
