Navigating friendships in the age of social media can be complex, especially when online interactions differ from real-life relationships. A recent inquiry to advice columnist Eric Thomas highlights these challenges, focusing on feelings of exclusion and the pressures of gift-giving during the holiday season.
In the first case, a woman expressed her confusion over a friend’s lack of engagement on social media. Although they have been friends for four years within a 55+ community, the woman noticed that her friend consistently comments on others’ posts but never acknowledges hers, even on significant occasions like her birthday. This discrepancy has left her feeling uncomfortable and questioning the nature of their friendship.
Thomas responded by emphasizing that social media often distorts genuine relationships. He explained that algorithms on platforms like Facebook tailor what users see, meaning her friend might not even be aware of her posts. He encouraged her to focus on their real-life interactions, suggesting that a direct conversation about their friendship would be more beneficial than dwelling on online behaviors.
In a separate query, another reader—identified as Not a Scrooge—shared her struggles with the holiday season. Having recently gone through a divorce after 27 years of marriage, she finds the pressure to give gifts overwhelming. She expressed a desire to celebrate with her two children, aged 21 and 16, without the expectation of exchanging gifts.
Thomas suggested that gift-giving should be a mutual decision that respects everyone’s feelings. He advised being honest with friends and family about her current views on gifts, framing her request not as a rejection but as a way to foster understanding. He proposed a simple message: “My relationship to gifts has changed as my life has changed recently.”
This approach allows her to communicate her preferences without feeling ungrateful, fostering a clearer understanding among her social circles. He also offered an alternative of sending holiday cards instead of gifts or encouraging donations to charity in lieu of presents.
As the holiday season approaches, these discussions about friendship and gifting highlight the importance of open communication. Social media can complicate relationships, but grounding those connections in real-life interactions may help alleviate misunderstandings.
In both cases, Thomas reinforces the value of direct conversation in resolving feelings of exclusion and navigating the pressures of social expectations. His advice encourages readers to prioritize meaningful connections over the often superficial measures of social media engagement.
