In a recent discussion on marital relationships, pastoral counselor Ann Nunnally highlights the fundamental desires that spouses seek in their partnerships: love and play. With her extensive experience of over thirty-two years, Nunnally emphasizes that these two elements are pivotal in maintaining a strong marriage, especially in a climate where divorce rates remain alarmingly high.
The State of Marriage Today
Statistics reveal that the divorce rate for first marriages hovers between 40-50%, while subsequent marriages fare even worse, with rates soaring to 60-67% for second marriages and 70-73% for third ones. This translates to approximately 100 divorces every hour in the United States alone. These figures underscore the challenges many couples face as they navigate the complexities of married life.
According to Nunnally, the landscape of marriage is continuously changing. Life’s unpredictable events—financial crises, aging parents, and health issues—can strain relationships. Amidst these pressures, it is easy for couples to lose sight of what initially drew them together.
Love and Play: The Core Ingredients
Central to Nunnally’s insights is the idea that every spouse fundamentally desires two things: someone to love and someone to engage in playful activities with. These desires manifest in the significant number of marriages in the U.S., which total approximately 2,077,000 annually. Yet, as couples transition from the excitement of courtship to the realities of marriage, these intrinsic needs often become overshadowed by daily responsibilities.
Nunnally reflects on her recent experience adopting a puppy, drawing parallels between the joy and affection shown by the pet and the emotional needs of humans. The puppy’s playful nature reminded her of the importance of maintaining a sense of fun and connection in relationships. The pet industry, projected to reach $157 billion in 2025, highlights society’s deep-rooted desire for companionship—an aspect that is equally vital in human relationships.
During the dating phase, couples often prioritize time spent together, indulging in activities that strengthen their bond. However, after marriage, the focus tends to shift toward life’s challenges, leading to a neglect of the very dynamics that initially fostered love. Nunnally encourages spouses to remember that a successful marriage requires ongoing attention and effort.
Marriage counselors frequently recommend scheduling regular date nights as a strategy to rekindle affection and playfulness. A husband preoccupied with work or hobbies may inadvertently create space for temptation, while a wife consumed by family obligations risks similar pitfalls. As Nunnally points out, when couples lead separate lives devoid of shared experiences, they risk drifting apart.
Marriage, she asserts, is not a static achievement but a dynamic relationship requiring nurturing. Without consistent care, the relationship can deteriorate, succumbing to what Nunnally describes as “the second law of thermodynamics,” where systems naturally progress toward disorder over time. Just as an ice cube melts or a clean room becomes cluttered, marriages left unattended can lose vitality and purpose.
The phrase “we just grew apart” often masks the reality that couples forgot how to love and engage with one another. Nunnally urges those in committed relationships to prioritize conversations about their needs and the importance of integrating love and play into their daily lives.
Understanding what a spouse is looking for is crucial for sustaining a healthy marriage. It is essential for couples to regularly check in with each other, ensuring their relationship remains vibrant and fulfilling. By embracing the simple joys of love and play, spouses can reinforce their connection and create a lasting partnership.
