UPDATE: A groundbreaking analysis by clinical psychologist Charlie Heriot-Maitland sheds light on the psychological mechanisms behind the increasingly common behavior of ghosting, revealing that it may be rooted in survival instincts rather than cruelty. This urgent insight comes as ghosting continues to impact countless relationships in the digital age.
In his latest book, Controlled Explosions in Mental Health, set to be released in 2025, Heriot-Maitland argues that ghosting is a reaction driven by the brain’s ancient threat-response system. This system prioritizes immediate safety, often at the expense of long-term relationship health. “From a survival perspective, ghosting is a trade-off,” he tells Newsweek. “It brings short-term relief by reducing immediate stress or threat, but it does so by creating longer-term harm.”
The implications are staggering. As dating apps redefine how we connect, understanding the psychology behind ghosting can help individuals navigate their emotional landscapes. Heriot-Maitland emphasizes that ghosting can emerge from a desire to avoid feelings of anxiety, conflict, or shame, which leads to a preference for silence. “In the moment someone ghosts, the brain is responding to immediate threat rather than long-term consequences,” he explains.
This revelation is critical for many who have experienced the pain of being ghosted. The automatic response to withdraw can feel like a protective measure but often leads to loneliness and damaged trust over time. “Avoiding someone out of fear that they might not like you can ultimately ensure that no relationship forms at all,” he warns.
Heriot-Maitland encourages readers to reconsider their reactions to ghosting—whether as the person disappearing or the one left behind. Labeling ghosting as lazy or rude can exacerbate feelings of shame and entrench the habit. Instead, understanding the underlying fear or unmet need can lead to healthier engagement strategies. “Once we recognize the protective function of these behaviors, we can make more compassionate choices,” he states.
The book aims to offer practical solutions to break the cycle of self-sabotage without increasing shame. Heriot-Maitland believes that by addressing these instinctual behaviors with compassion, individuals can develop safer ways to connect, preserving their relationships without resorting to “controlled explosions” of silence.
As discussions around mental health and relationship dynamics continue to evolve, this analysis on ghosting presents an urgent call to action for individuals navigating the complexities of modern love. The insights provided by Heriot-Maitland could pave the way for more fulfilling connections in a world where disconnection is all too common.
Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story and explore ways to foster healthier relationships in light of these findings. If you have questions about ghosting or tips for future coverage, share your thoughts with [email protected].
